WEEK 2: FORMAL INTRODUCTORY LETTER
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Merrick Soon Ng, and I am writing to you today to introduce myself as a student in your communication class. I graduated junior college in Yishun Innova Junior College with an A-level certificate and managed to get into the engineering course offered by SIT
after National Service(NS).
My interest in Engineering was actually sparked from my various experiences in NS, in which I served as a firefighter. Being a firefighter in Singapore has allowed me exposure to most events that the common populace would not have access to. This includes learning various topics that are relevant to the job, like what makes the structural integrity of a building fail in case of a fire, or perhaps the various weak points in a certain structure that we can target to make our lives easier. Throughout these experiences, I had gained a deeper understanding of the capabilities of engineering which was what spurred me on to apply for the course.
A communication strength of mine is that I am very comfortable with speaking to strangers on an individual level, generally I am a very social person and love to communicate with people of different backgrounds, which is mainly why I am comfortable with speaking with strangers. To add on to this I am also able to speak relatively fluently in multiple dialects and picking up a third language as of now.
A weakness of mine in regards to communication is the fact that I am slightly less comfortable speaking in large groups. I tend to get nervous when standing in front of an audience and this is definitely something that can be improved upon throughout the course of the module.
Another goal which I aim to achieve in this module is the improvement of my vocabulary and general use of the language which I currently feel inadequate. There are many times when writing an essay or letter I find myself stumped as to the best fitting word to use in various situations. Thus I hope to learn much from you and this course.
Yours sincerely,
Merrick Soon Ng Wei Qi
Hi Merrick, thank you for sharing more about yourself. I have the same goal as you which is to improve my english and vocabulary. Hope we both can achieve as much as possible by the end of this course! I think you missed out a part about what makes you different from others, perhaps you did but I don't think it stand out to me. Other than that, you definitely have delivered the content clearly in this letter and things mentioned are also relevant.
ReplyDeleteThank you Chiu Pin for the comment. In regards to the lack of what made me different from others as mentioned in your comment, I wrote the part of serving in SCDF as a firefighter and how it managed to spark my professional interest in civil engineering with the intention of it being the part of what made me different. I will try to make the relevant topics stand out more in the future. Thanks for helping me identify the issue.
DeleteHi Merrick, thank you for sharing more about yourself ! It is great knowing that you are able to speak comfortably with stranger. It is no easy task! I believe we have similar goals in trying to improve our use of language, i hope that we can achieve that!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to getting to know you more.
Thank you for the comment Yen Jee its a pleasure and I look forward to getting to know you more too.
DeleteHi Merrick! Thanks for introducing yourself! I find it interesting to hear about your national service experience and how it led to you wanting to pursue civil engineering. I too can relate to getting nervous when talking to an audience. It is an area that I could use some work on as well. Lets both strive to improve our presentation/public-speaking abilities in this module!
ReplyDeleteHi Anthony, thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my letter. im glad the contents that I wanted to include were conveyed properly and look forward to working with you soon too.
DeleteHi Merrick! Thank you for introducing yourself! It’s good to hear you enjoying your time in NS. Let’s strive to improve our vocabulary together. Hope to get to know you more.
ReplyDeleteHi Merrick, thank you for sharing more about yourself. Your letter is clear and concise but there can be one small improvement. I feel that you could put the abbreviation of SIT at the back also so that people know what it actually means.
ReplyDeleteHi Yong Keat, thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my message. Really glad that the message was properly conveyed and thank you for the tip regarding the abbreviation, I'll be sure to keep that in mind in the future.
DeleteDear Merrick,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative letter. It's interesting for readers when you share your background in terms of the firefighting NS job and how that had evolved as personal motivation for your studying engineering. You're correct in noting that most people would not take into consideration details about buildings, for example, that you have become exposed to as a firefighter.
You also explain your impressions of your own comm skills development, and it's good that you tie this to not just to what you want to improve in terms of English but how you want to expand your use of Chinese dialects and are currently learning.
In terms of English, there are a couple areas in thois letter you can revise:
1. sentence structure
-- A communication strength of mine is that I am very comfortable with speaking to strangers on an individual level, generally I am a very social person a... > (comma splice) ?
2. overuse of caps
-- My interest in Engineering was... > ?
3. punctuation
-- To add on to this I am also... > (lack of comma) ?
-- Thus I hope to learn... > (lack of comma) ?
-- I tend to get nervous when standing in front of an audience and this is definitely something ... >
I tend to get nervous when standing in front of an audience, and this is definitely something...
-- ...general use of the language which I currently feel inadequate. > ?
4. lack of clarity
-- ...or perhaps the various weak points in a certain structure that we can target to make our lives easier. > (meaning? Who is targeting what, and for what purpose?)
All in all though this is a fine effort. I appreciate the sharing.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you professor for the comment, I really appreciate the constructive feedback that you have given me and i will be sure to keep it in mind in future writings.
Delete